I’m sorry to say the series of photographs you are about to see are extremely unpleasant. They tell the tale of three unlucky orphans, their interactions with unpleasant villains, and their unfortunate circumstances. Though these children are talented, intelligent, and good-looking, woe and misfortune befall them at every turn. I bring you these Very Facinorous Documents, "facinorous" being a word which here means "extremely wicked, and you should run away from them, as they will only bring you sadness." It is my sad duty to document their stories, but you have no such responsibility, and would be better off seeing a collection happy photographs of people having a pleasant time.
"The Charming Children"
Violet, Sunny, and Klaus Baudelaire
Violet, the eldest Baudelaire, and a brilliant inventor. You could tell she was thinking of an invention when she tied her hair in a ribbon, to keep away any silly distractions like loose hair.
Klaus, the middle child, was a voracious reader, researching anything and everything that interested him.
Sunny, the youngest, enjoyed biting objects with her four unusually sharp teeth.
"The Dismal Day"
The children spend a foggy day at the beach, shortly before learning the news of their parents' deaths in a terrible fire. Before their lives are turned upside-down in a tangle of secret organizations, evil villains, and itchy clothing. I was disguised as a folding chair, photographing the unknowing children.
"The Vicious Villain"
Count Olaf, former actor turned criminal, constantly scheming to steal the enormous fortune the Baudelaire parents left behind to their children. Recognizable by his one long eyebrow, shiny eyes, and tattoo of an eye on his left ankle. Arsonist, murderer, bad breath.
"The Terrifying Troupe"
Count Olaf and his theatre troupe. I was disguised as a commercial photographer to investigate these wicked people, pretending I was interested in their dreadful plays. From left to right: the volatile white-faced ladies, the dreadful bald man, the ridiculous and evil Count Olaf, the bloodthirsty hook-handed man, and Esmé Squalor, the city's sixth most important financial advisor, as well as Count Olaf's girlfriend.
"The Desperate Disguises"
Here the Baudelaires are disguised as carnival freaks, in a desperate attempt to learn more about V.F.D., a secret organization that seems to surround them. Violet and Klaus are dressed as the two-headed freak Beverly and Elliot, and Sunny acts as Chabo the Wolf Baby. I snapped this while disguised as a tourist visiting the carnival, pretending to be interested in the carnival's figurine shop.
"The Worrisome Writer"
Pictured here is Lemony Snicket, my dear friend and fellow volunteer. We are members of V.F.D., a brave and noble organization about which I cannot say more, and no longer can say less. It is our duty to follow the Baudelaires and chronicle their misfortunes. Snicket and I are wanted for a variety of crimes we did not commit, and hide in shadows to avoid being caught.
"The Abject Artist"
Robin Riggler was born in a hospital that was once a farmhouse, and lives in a farmhouse that was once a hospital. She is from a town where you have never been, and will never go, because it is very small and far too hard to pronounce. She works closely with Lemony Snicket as he writes his history of the Baudelaire children, evading inquisitive authorities and authoritative inquisitors. She spends her time photographing the woes of the Baudelaire orphans, wishing she had chosen a simpler and less dreadful occupation, such as performance art or neuroscience.
Photographs curated by Sandy Honig, Riggler's public spokesperson.